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I gotta say, I’m so happy I’m not a guy. And I mean that as no offense to men; I genuinely love most of y’all (OK, let’s be real; I moderately like some of you guys). But you fellas really got the short end of the stick. I make my husband sleep closest toward the door so that he can fend off an imaginary intruder. I don’t know why, he would have to take off his CPAP, put on underwear, burp, pop a couple of Tums, trip over his shoes that he leaves strewn about the room and need to loudly blow his nose before he’d be in any condition to get into a physical altercation to save me, and that is only if I can even wake him up, he sleeps like the dead, but still, I want him to be my knight in shining sleep-apnea-mask.
Men always have to be the brave ones, but honest question, are you guys not scared of investigating weird noises outside in the dark? I wouldn’t do it; I’d just accept my fate. There’s not a dollar amount in the world you could pay me to leave the safe confines of my home to enter the vast darkness and potentially encounter, probably just a bunny or something, I don’t know. When my kids tell me they heard a weird noise from under their bed, I literally just snatch them and run out of the room. I ain’t checking under there, are you crazy, let’s get out of here! Men also have to be brave in other ways, like approaching people to ask them on dates. And not just any people, people they find attractive, people they want to kiss and date and marry. I could literally vomit at just the thought of having to approach an attractive stranger and striking up a conversation. Another brave thing men do? Backing up trailers. I tried it once, it’s so hard, I cried, and you guys not only whip those things around like Kristi Yamaguchi on ice, but you look good doing it, so bravo. Anyways, men, we see you being brave out there, and we appreciate all the bugs you’ve killed, mice you’ve caught and imaginary intruders you’ve fought off!
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