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Sometimes I feel sorry for my husband. Not for normal life things, like being stressed at work or when he stubs his toe on the coffee table, but sometimes I feel sorry for him because he’s married to me. I wonder if he thinks back to that poor guy back in 2008 who invited me to drink Natural Light with him at a bonfire and wants to tell him “Don’t do it, man.”
He just had to console me the other day because I saw a dead raccoon on the road and I cried. (If you’re wondering if I cried just writing about this, yes, yes, I did. He had a family out there and just never went home to them one day there is nothing sadder than that.) One time I made him turn the car around so we could pull over and look at a baby horse and yes, I also cried about that. (He was so little and cute and wobbly, it was the best day of my life, including the birth of my children and my wedding day.) I just never stop crying, really, which is terribly annoying to me so I can imagine how he feels. I regularly give him the container of fries I’ve eaten out of on the way home, and then keep the full container of fries for myself. If he doesn’t want to try a bite of my food that I ordered at a restaurant I get irate and force feed it to him against his will, but I never will try a bite of his food (sorry, I’m a better at ordering than he is, that isn’t my fault.) Everyone wants a bite of parmesan-crusted salmon on a bed of fluffy risotto, no one wants a greasy burger made of weird meat. When he’s in the other room I’ll holler at him to come here, and then say “Since you’re up will you get me a glass of water.” I’ll politely insist he rub my feet after a long day, but if he even takes his socks off near me, I’ll threaten to call the police. I get mad at him when I’m hungry, but he’s not hungry (Why did you eat without me?!) and I also get mad at him when I suggest we do something (go out to eat, remodel a bathroom, take a vacation) and he agrees but he doesn’t EXCITEDLY agree. (FINE THEN, FORGET IT if you aren’t going to be excited about it!!!!) But just about the moment I’m acting crazy and feeling sorry for him, I’ll think back to 2008 to that poor girl who said “I love Natural Light and bonfires!” and tell her “No, ma’am, you don’t!” because he has So. Many. More. annoying habits than I do, and he is so incredibly lucky to be married to me.
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