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Having the Conversation: Thoughts on Breast Cancer Awareness Month
by Stephanie Krenn | Contributing Writer
The following article appeared in the print issue of Ponca City Monthly magazine, which includes hyperlocal stories about Ponca City. Get full access to all online articles, videos, and content by becoming a paid subscriber. We offer free and paid subscription plans. Find rack locations to pick up your free print copy here, or subscribe here to get online access plus exclusive content.
Admitting I am wrong is not high on my list of favorite activities, but I must confess I thought it would be easy to write my article for October. A breast cancer survivor writing about Breast Cancer Awareness Month seemed like a no-brainer. Schedule your mammogram and donate money to a local nonprofit or research foundation. Done. Perhaps it could be that easy, and where I would have ended my comments prior to my own journey. After all, specialized health months can bring positive change, and increased funds, to the big picture agenda. My experience though has shown that loved ones and friends who receive the life-altering breast cancer news process the month of October with varied emotions.
The highest points of hope and celebration meet with the lowest valley of depression and anxiety. I was two months into my own diagnosis, and one month into a chemotherapy regimen, when I “celebrated” my first breast cancer awareness month. I had already lost my hair to a combination of shaving my head and the two-week delay in side effects from the chemo drugs. My taste buds gave up tasting, energy was plunging fast while taking my independence with it, and the precious ignorance of my own mortality ceased to exist, all in quick succession. When I did venture out that first October, I realized I had never taken note of the vast merchandise available in that notorious color. Every shade of pink was woven into store’s specialty sections peddling everything from stickers and sunglasses to ball caps and broomsticks. How did any of that help others like myself? The medical professionals I visited failed to appease my revolt against that color. Pink bags were provided to hold my folders, brochures contained the infamous ribbon, homemade hats to pharmaceutical ink pens – pink for days. I joke with people that I would do some sketchy stuff for office supplies, though I do admit to giving away as many of those pink pens and notebooks as I could manage.
There are still some in my desk drawer if you are interested. Though none of the store-bought merchandise could be outdone by the most fashionable clothing item created – the mammogram gown. Did that seriously have to be pink too? I drew the line at that one and requested another color before I would have my scan. I still laugh at myself for things I tried to control in that chaotic time. The frustration, confusion and sensory overload between my emotions, chemotherapy side effects and my least favorite color raining down from all sides was enough to keep me from public view. I could not comprehend positively engaging a marketing scheme that revolved around my suffering. Since disappearing for 31 days each year was not a sustainable model, I had to find another approach. The negative emotions bubbling up amidst the bubble gum-colored end-caps was not healthy in the long run. My shift in thinking finally arrived with a gift in a bag of a different color. The welcomed black tote contained a cozy blanket with an understated amount of pink on the logo, a book, some practical items and a silver bracelet with the word “beautiful” on it. I am not sure why it made me smile that the word was stamped on the underside of the bracelet cuff. I certainly did not feel beautiful in my sickness and fatigue, but I embraced it as a secret with myself that one day I would find healing and beauty again. My personal growth in accepting Breast Cancer Awareness Month continued as I embraced how my story could impact others and allow them space to feel seen in their struggles. That calling now makes October one of the most fulfilling months each year as I seek out ways to continue the conversation. My advice is this:
If you adore the color pink and decide to purchase marketed items this month, take a few seconds to check the tag or company website to verify your money is directly supporting breast cancer patients or research.
Do schedule your mammogram starting at 40 years old, or earlier if you are higher risk. Start with local, full-service medical staff at Ponca City Integris Women’s Health Center, Triad Women’s Clinic or Stillwater Medical – Blackwell. Also, the Kaw Nation partners with OU Breast Health Network to bring the mobile mammogram bus to Kay County throughout the year. This program serves uninsured or under-insured native and non-native patients.
Do also find a legit organization or research foundation to contribute your money or time. That black in color tote bag I mentioned was from Project31, an Oklahoma-based breast cancer nonprofit. I have personally benefitted from the in-person and online community meetings throughout the state and counseling scholarships for me and my family. A foundation of understanding and grace was crucial to my recovery to live out the mission of restoring lives and families throughout breast cancer. I would not be able to tell my story, engage other survivors and bring education and awareness during any month of the year without the sisterhood of Project31. Though they are my preferred organization for serving, giving and connecting, there are many wonderful organizations engaging our state and nation in the realm of cancer care. The Stonebrook Project, Tenaciously Teal and Breast Cancer Survivors Oklahoma are also worth checking out.
I am still not fond of the color pink, but there is a level of respect for what it represents. If you choose to celebrate the month as a platform to educate others and bring awareness, do so with enthusiasm and vigor. If you experience negative reactions, as I did, please reach out to a trusted friend or professional who can help you process. However you decide to spend the month of October, your feelings are valid and valued. If you do endeavor to explore the wide-open world of pink this month, keep an eye out, you may see me in one of two pink shirts I now own. It had to happen eventually. All my best, until next time.
Follow Stephanie’s Cancer Survivor Story, part of a limited series - exclusive to Ponca City Monthly.
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