(PCM+) Mental Health Minute with Mr. Ponca City

Story by Relo Adams, MS, MCP, LPC-C / Ashley Adams, M.Ed, MCP, LPC-C /Contributing Writer

The following article appeared in the print issue of Ponca City Monthly magazine, which includes hyperlocal stories about Ponca City. Get full access to all online articles, videos, and content by becoming a paid subscriber. We offer free and paid subscription plans. Find rack locations to pick up your free print copy here, or subscribe here to get online access plus exclusive content.

“The Journey Part 2” : The Promise and Five Embryos

We never expected our road to parenthood to look this way; uneven, aching and constantly interrupted by the unexpected. We had always wanted children, always pictured a house filled with little voices and laughter, instead we had a house with three voices, that yes, laughed of course, but also had many other expressions of feelings as well: yelling, crying and silence. Peyton has always been more than enough for us; however, underneath the joy of being his mom and dad, there was quiet suffering.

I (Ashley) have been living with chronic pain for years. Rheumatoid arthritis had stiffened some of my joints and settled in the knuckles of my hands like an unrelenting storm. Before this diagnosis, I would be extremely fatigued, drained even, and couldn’t get out of bed sometimes. It was depressing to say the least. No one understood! The unhelpful advice and/or lectures were hurtful, and I felt all alone for years. I lost friends because of my inability to leave the house. On good days when I felt OK, I felt like I had to play catch up with my personal responsibilities and duties to my home and family. Even today I find it hard to go go go and am still met with advice or questions. Relo is such a busy body, and I refuse to try and keep up with him anymore. I must prioritize my energy and know my limits. While I feel so much better than I did in the past, I still get fatigued and hurt, so I’m careful about where I spend my time and where I pour my energy. That has offended a few people for some reason, but I have learned to let them feel all their uncomfortable feelings without me feeling responsible for them. Every morning was a battle, and still is sometimes. Sometimes just getting out of bed requires more energy than I have but I do it. I get out of bed and take my time getting ready for the day. I smile, I work, I handle business and no one would ever know the pain I am in. Some say that’s fake; friends say, “Girl, you’re so strong,” some call that resilient. I call it life. This pain can’t control me. I refuse to go back to that! With all of that, Relo, too, has suffered in silence, often smiling through the pain. We don’t necessarily like being the center of attention. I know that is hard to believe considering, Relo is the current Mr. Ponca City. I admit he is far more social than I am; but to the core, he is quite the silent type. He is very observant and kind of shy. A little mysterious, even, until you get to know him. So, opening up about all of this has taken us both out of our comfort zone.